Next Steps...

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. -Chinese Saying

Think it's hard to take that next step? It often feels that what we're dreaming of is forever out of reach or we put it off until tomorrow, next week, next year. Waiting means more waiting.

1. Take small step. Any little step will do. The next day, take another small step.

2. Create room in your mind and heart for forward movement by letting yourself believe it's possible. Letting go of perfection and "if only this" or "if only that" works wonders for your creative mind.

3. Ask what small thing CAN I do here? Breathe. Give yourself time and space to answer.

When I first had my oldest daughter, I thought it might be forever before I got back into my mediation practice. Any moment for focusing on myself in such a quiet way was usually taken up with nursing or catching up on sleep. It was hard to concentrate. It was hard to focus inward when I was the main caregiver for her. I was used to going into meditation fairly easily and now I needed more time to quiet myself - time I didn't feel I had. In fact, I focused on how much time I didn't have. I focused on how I didn't have money for a babysitter and why getting a babysitter for just 20 minutes seemed silly. I focused on the fact that I was nursing and it was hard to get away. I focused on every part of the not having time.

Maybe you've made a similar transition in your life - a new job, a faster pace, more responsibility, a move, a change in the family. In the midst of all that goes on in our lives, it can be hard to focus on what's really important, what our next steps should really be. For me, I had to let go of doing any meditation in large chunks. I realized if I could only focus for five minutes, then 5 minutes would be progress. I also realized I could use help. I downloaded guided meditations which helped me stay focused. If I did get distracted, the words of recordings helped me get back into the meditation. My spiritual side opened back up for me because I was willing to take small steps. The steps beyond that have just flowed.

We can all take small steps to reach our goals. We don't have to know how you're going to reach the destination. The next step doesn't have to be the perfect step. We can let go of the "yes, buts." We just have to start somewhere. There's so much power in beginnings. And it's amazing what possibilities will open up to us once we take that step.

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What Is Coaching

What if your life got more joyful, satisfying and easier? Coaching is a natural part of life. Great business leaders use coaches to develop their employees. Coaches help by clarifying thinking, giving feedback, providing support and maintaining a healthy level of challenge.

Overall, coaching is about facilitating positive change. It is also about getting where you want to go easier and faster while reducing complications and roadblocks.

Now, more than ever, people are seeing the value of having a coach. Just as sports coaches give feedback and keep their teams on track, life coaches help all of us do and be our best. A coach is someone who is totally in your corner, focused totally on you. You have regular appointments to work on your goals and dreams so that time doesn’t fall through the cracks.

Think for a moment on the idea of the hero and the hero’s journey. It is the tale of a person leaving a familiar world, usually encountering a guide/teacher, experiencing an adventure/quest, meeting obstacles, learning and developing something new within themselves and then returning home to utilize that knowledge in helping the community in some way. Hero stories resonate with us so much because we all are on our own hero journey. We live for a purpose and we work to reach our goals. In that process we are changed. In a very real sense, coaching is a natural progression of this hero journey and coaches are the guides that people are utilizing to facilitate their own progress of personal development.

Your Life Is Your Job
You are on a hero’s journey. Remember, no one can do what you were put here to do. You are worth every penny and every bit of energy you expend on you. and Michael Jordan all had coaches. Isn’t your life really you main job? Show up for all the important roles and relationships in your life being your best and giving your best with the help and clarity of coaching.

Accountability Partner

A super great way to stay in action is to get an accountability partner. This partner is someone you have weekly meetings with (in person or over the phone/skype) to discuss what your goals are, how the week went and what plans you are committing to for the upcoming week.

How does an accountability partner weekly meeting help?

• Knowing someone is going to ask you about your progress.
• Verbalizing what's really important to you & your progress is amazingly energizing and focusing for the brain.
  
• When you spend dedicated time on YOU, the wiring of your brain changes. This focus and rewiring makes the change clearer and easier to make.
  

This weekly meeting will do wonders for your focus & progress!

When I speak to my coach, I know that she is going to ask me about everything I have committed to for the past week. As the week progresses, I hold myself more accountable and have a stronger commitment to my own actions. I begin my next week much more clearly focused on what my heart's priorities are. Instead of floating through the week on auto-pilot, I move much more mindfully and purposefully. I am grounded and centered in the life I want to be living.

Your accountability partner can be a

• professional coach,
  
• a friend,
  
• mentor,
  
• family member
• etc.
  

Your choice does need to be someone that can refrain from judging and offering much advice. The meetings are about you, your thinking and your progress, not their thinking or their way of doing things.

If and when you get a partner, I would love to hear how it goes for you.

Charting Your Progress

Charting your progress with you goals is a great way to stay on track and make sure the work you're doing is working.

Examples:

• Want to lose weight? Weigh yourself today and chart your progress on a simple graph.
• More Mindful? Use a scale or percentage. Maybe you'd like to be mindful 90% of the time. Where are you now? 10, 20, 30%? Chart your progress to stay on track.
• Want to grow your business? Evaluate your current income and expenses. Write it down. Decide on your goal and chart yourself weekly or monthly.
  

Action

It's almost October. It's been a full nine months since many of us made new year's resolutions. We may have found that sticking to those gets a bit lost in the busyness of life. So what to do?

Revisit your resolutions.
Write them down.
Prioritize.
Envision Success.
Enlist an Accountability Partner & Meet regularly. (friend, life-coach, trainer, etc.)

You don't have to wait a year to resolve for something better.

An Unforgiveness Story

My "Un-forgiveness of an Institution"

I was right and THEY were wrong. We opened the accounts at two separate banks in Florida because there were branches in Ohio, directly across the street from where we were moving to. Everything was fine. We had our own accounts and a joint account. This way we could transfer money to pay bills and cover checks and expenses as needed yet still have our own spending money. Great!
The bank then was bought out by another larger bank. Soon, I found that my account was to be changed to the new bank system. But not my husbands nor the joint account. The bank across the street from me, remained with the old system as well.

Being a new stay-at-home mom and working here and there as a tutor, I needed to deposit checks on a regular basis. I couldn't do that at the branch across the street. Ridiculous right? What kind of system was this? Their solution? The branch actually had to overnight my checks to a new branch to have them deposited. WTHeck? Really? I have to wait extra days to have the check deposited? Yep. I did.

Not only this, my husband's account and joint accounts were no longer linked to my account. If Greg was out of town, he could not get money to me, and I could not get money from the joint account and into my account without some elaborate scheme.

I was livid. It was ridiculous. I told the story over and over again. I ranted about it in my head. I was RIGHT. Even the bank workers were frustrated and upset by the way the changes were being done, further solidifying my position of me being right and the bank being wrong. I mean, I had done what was necessary to make this smooth transition to Ohio and I had all of this taken care of! I was done. I shouldn't have to do anymore.

After months of relatively minor but irritating frustrations, the bank finally switched over all accounts. But guess what, I had many choices from the beginning. If I could have let go of being right, I could have thought more rationally and creatively about the situation. We could have closed our accounts and opened new ones together at the same bank. I could have closed only my account and opened a new one. If I had not been so stubborn I would have found out earlier that if I just deposit the check at the ATM, the money would register in my account right away because those were the rules of the bank at which I opened my account. This was better than going into the bank to deposit which took days to clear because those were the rules of this branch. I could have saved myself a lot of heartache by having the positive attitude and letting it go. But no, I cluttered my mind and spirit with crap and my attachment to being right.

This is what un-forgiveness does. It just hurts us. I haven't hurt the bank in any way. This bank wins in customer service surveys regularly and is doing very well. My anger and resentment hurt only me. It made my life difficult. Even a year later, I held resentment. That's ridiculous. It's taken practice and now I've improved my ability to let go of resentment and frustration. Not perfect, but improved. My heart and mind are definitely the better for it.

The Difference Between Forgiveness & Being a Doormat

We often equate forgiveness with forgetting. Forgiveness is about clearing out the negative emotions you are carrying around about a person or situation.

Remember though, that forgiving someone does not mean that they can continue to engage with you in a negative way. We forgive to regain our own internal balance and power. Addressing a problem, especially one that is reoccuring is part of reclaiming your power just as forgiving the situation is about reclaiming your power. Forgiveness doesn't give the other person a "pass" on their behavior. Instead, it allows you to come to situations with more clarity, grace and strength. We clear our heads and are able to refocus on our own interests and goals.

One of My Stories: I was upset with a co-worker. She was clearly wrong and didn't back me up when we were confronted by our boss. I was really upset. I withdrew. I was angry, I didn't want to speak to her and I decided I wouldn't and would do everything on my own. That year was my worst year. Without support, the job was really difficult. Instead of being realistic and focusing on what I wanted, I focused on being better than her and showing her.
Overall, my vision was cloudy. My heart was tight and I was short with the people around me. I was generally unable to relax. By focusing on my anger, I hurt myself, not her. It would have been much more healthy to speak to her about the situation with the intention of reconciliation and to then make decisions from that point. It didn't mean that I was to allow her to not support me when I needed it and it was warranted. By clearing the air and clearing my heart and anger, I would have been much more able to see my year with clarity and peace. The brain works so much better this way. When we focus on the positive, blood flow is directed to the pre-frontal cortex which is the part of the brain that plans, sees solutions, finds new ways and is creative. By focusing on the negative, I diverted blood flow to the lower reptilian parts of my brain. This made me rush to solutions that were inadequate or just plain wrong.
Forgiveness allows us to release the negative in our lives and clear out a way for more good to come in. It allows the brain to focus on the positive.
Remember, forgiveness clears mental and emotional space which enables us to more easily be our best selves. It's a act of self-interest.